Category: self reflection

Posted in Inspiration, self reflection, Transparency

Been Down, But Not Out

Posted on by https://getting2therootofit.com

Expressed by: Cassandra Dennis

WOW!! Okay, where do I start? Well, I’ll begin with the rudder, the catalyst, the straw on the camels back that began to stir and steer me in a new direction in my life.

I attended an “Own Your Shit” workshop a week ago. The intention of my attendance was to support the Facilitator, @MariannaSousa. I ended up in a safe environment that began the path of healing me of events from my past. Although the events occurred in the past I now understand the reason for my alter persona, Miss Nice Nasty. I separated myself from this persona a few years ago, but she still lives within me causing an internal conflict between who I truly desire to be and who I and others want me to be for the sake of my ego and their entertainment. In this workshop @MariannaSousa led me through the connections between that little girl, who experienced trauma in her life to my current mindset and actions. You know I hear healing direction such as this and say, “I know this” or “that has no bearings on who I am now.” Bullshit!! Unless I have truly healed from those events, not swept them under the dirty, shag carpet or buried it in the deep dark corners of my mind, but truly healed from events of my life they are playing an active part in my current mindset and actions.

The key is not to dwell there or to continue to carry the burden of someone else’s words or actions, it is to OWN my healing from those events by following that sometimes invisible thread from then to now and understanding why I am making the decision not to wear my “Big Girl Panties” and choosing to live out the actions of that hurt and misunderstood little girl. In this workshop I wrote out two questions and one exclamation to ask myself and others before automatically defaulting to Miss Nice Nasty.

  1. Is it true? Is the information being presented true, not my and any one else’s opinion, but is it factual? Then decide if I even what to act upon that fact.
  2. Does it align with my goals or passion? If I don’t set my own standards and goals, someone else will and I will live my life for others and not for God and me.
  3. I am worthy of more! Stop settling for less because I am growing weary in my pursuit of my goals and passion. Strengthen my endurance level physically and emotionally and cease the “I quit” mentality.

All of this seems simple and it can be if I had not decided to live a compromised life. It is the rudders (the small things) of life that can steer you to triumph or destruction. I realized as I grew older and my children no longer needed me, I began to exist (living out who others want me to be) instead of reaching back and updated past goals and renewing my passion. To be honest, I still don’t know what my passion is, but I do know I enjoy sharing my life experiences with others. Which leads me to why I am sharing this with you. I want you to know, no matter the stage of our life we can always hit the RESET button and renew, refocus and heal; that power is always within us and is completely up to us. After all my life is my own, there is no one else on this earth that can live out the true, transparent, AUTHENTIC me.

Therefore, I encourage you to be empowered, be authentic and be TRIUMPHANTLY you.

Posted in Evaluate, Goals, Inspiration, self reflection, Transparency

So Tell Me My Sister

Posted on by https://getting2therootofit.com

Author:  Cassandra Dennis

So tell me my Sister, what are your dreams, your fantasies, your goals to achieve?  Your purpose, your mission, your plan to weave?

What are your core values?  You know what I mean.

What defines your character, your worth?  You know those values that consistently redeem your moral compass, that under-girds your passion, that inspire and empower you to dream ABOVE average, to think ABOVE average and to live ABOVE average.

Crickets…. I can’t hear you my Sister.  Come out of the well of your mind, return to the light, follow my voice, explore, evaluate and retrieve your life.

Tell me, tell me, tell me my Sister, what happened in your life that depleted you, defeated you and embittered your mind to all mankind?

It is not my fault, I’m only extending a hand, but I will ask for forgiveness as I stand in the place of the One’s who hurt you.

My Sister STOP!

Don’t focus on the darkness.  Inside the bowels of your mind can be a slippery slope, which has the ability to envelope you into an abyss of no return.  Hear my voice, seek the footprints on the path that has already been laid out for your journey.  Focus on the intermittent lights that represent multiple hands of opportunity to redeem, renew and restore you.  Don’t pass that up for the land of self pity, for what has that land done for you lately?

I’m here my Sister.

Your life is YOURS to explore, YOURS to evaluate, YOURS to retrieve and YOURS to LIVE; but the choice to act is YOURS.

So Tell Me My Sister, what do you choose?

Posted in Goals, Inspiration, renew, self reflection

What’s Your Mantra?

Posted on by https://getting2therootofit.com

Expressed by: Cassandra Dennis

What’s your mantra: your hymn, your incantation, your psalm, your SHOUT? You know the repetitive chant or poem or quote or song  or combination of them all, that keeps you inspired, motivated and keeps you in forward motion on your journey? For NIKE it’s #justdoit, they also promote Kevin Durant’s #risegrindshineagain.

Come on you have one, SHOUT IT OUT, except if you are in the library or church, then just whisper it.  You know the mantra that keeps you focused, that reminds you that strategic action is required to accomplish your goals and to move from one stage and level of life to the next.

I have several depending on what I need to persevere that day, but my main mantra is, “Life:Own it Don’t Blame it.”  See my life is my own.  No matter what decisions I make, good or bad; no matter what has been done to me or what I allowed or what I have done to others, my life is mine and only I can shape it to truly be what I want it to be.  At the end of the day no matter what I portray on social media, does my life truly represent the words I speak?  For me, yes and no, because I’m consistently striving to be the best me.  Although, I live a life of transparency, there are some aspects of my life, where I am faking it until I make it.  Yep, I wear a mask sometimes, not to hide my weaknesses but to hide the ugliness of an intimate part of my journey.  It is during this time that I may be purging and layers of the old me are being peeled away so that the revived, creative, reborn me can press in on the path I am traveling.  It is definitely during these times that I rely on my mantra or a song or my favorite poem to empower me through the challenge, strengthen my resolve, and learn my lesson(s) for the next level of my life.   After all in the words of Oscar Wilde, “I must be myself, everyone else is already taken.”

If you don’t have a mantra, what are you using to empower yourself on those days where you want to give up?  What or Who reminds you not to be easily distracted or encourages you to stare fear in the face and steam-roll that devil.

If you are at a point in your life where you are spinning your wheels, revamp your plan, set a path and commit to it; no matter the costs or sacrifices.  If it’s what you truly desire then the costs and sacrifices will be worth it; and the experiences along the way will be priceless.  Sooooooo, what’s your mantra?  Share it in the comments below.  You never know; your transparency may help someone else.

The song that’s pumping me up for what I need to accomplish today is, “We Livin”, by Tina Campbell.   I’M PUMPED!!! WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Posted in #relationships, Evaluate, Goals, Humanity, self reflection, Transparency

“A hard head makes a soft…”

Posted on by https://getting2therootofit.com

 

Expressed by: Cassandra Dennis

I see the smirk on my Mom’s face and her index finger on her right hand wagging at me as she exclaims, “Oh, you gone learn, oh you gone learn, because a hard head makes a soft behind, Cassandra!”  Of course, I had this deer in headlights expression on my face like, “What? Me? What did I do now?”  If my acting game was on par, then I might even drop an innocent tear or two to sell my case.  But, my Mother never fell for the okie doke.

The expression, A hard head makes a soft behind refers to a person who insists on learning things the hard way or prefers to make their own mistakes, instead of adhering to the advice of someone who has overcome what they are experiencing.

So, why is that?  Why do we choose the hard ways of life, instead of listening to the wisdom of others?  I know I would have avoided many pitfalls when I was younger if I had stopped trying to be Miss Know-It-All or Miss I’m Grown-You Can’t Tell Me Anything.  There are times we don’t realize our poor decisions also affects those around us.  I know my decisions affected my family and my children, who I brought into the world at the age of 17.

One decision from 30 years ago still lingers with me.  I’ll share a brief snapshot.

After catching 3 buses and 2 rail lines to get home from work, I walked to the babysitter’s apartment who kept my 18-month-old sons from 6:00 pm to 6:30 pm, after the daycare center closed (and before you comment, yes, I researched her before I allowed her to keep my sons, spoke with other parents whose children she kept and made sure she didn’t have any record for abusing her own children).  I walked in to see one of my sons had scratch marks all over his face and upon further inspection I found whip marks on his back and legs. I was confused, angry, hurt and devastated.  I asked the neighbor coming home from work to call the police and my roommate called my parents.  I know sometimes things happen beyond our control, but let’s follow this thread of my decision back to the beginning.

  1. I made an adult decision at 17 to have unprotected sex.
  2. I made the decision to bring my sons into this world, care for and protect them, even though I only had $3k in the bank and at the time of their premature birth, no job.
  3. I made the decision to place my sons in the care of that babysitter.

My sons don’t remember this occurrence but it resonates with me because I failed to protect them both from experiencing the physical and psychological abuse.  Sometimes, we make decisions without knowing or understanding the full scope of what that decision entails.

My parents made the decision that they would care for my sons from that point forward when I needed them to.   As I worked 2 jobs and attended my college courses, my parents took my sons on family vacations with them, along with my two sisters.  My parents helped me nurse my sons when they were extremely ill, all while they continued to work as well.  My sons and my family experienced the growing pains of me maturing and learning how to be a mother, a provider and protector.

Our world is full of hard heads with soft behinds, but unfortunately, many of the behinds have gotten numb to the hard lessons of life.  It is my prayer that we all observe and learn from the experiences of others, and seek advice from those who gained wisdom from their experience.  This is one of the ways for us to empower each other to live a more productive and purpose driven life.

This journey called life continues to teach each of us, we are never to old to learn something new or to receive wisdom.   It is a fool who ignores wisdom, to erroneously justify that their age quantifies them as an adult that knows everything.

What have my life experiences taught me thus far?

  1.  Don’t allow my pride to keep me from obtaining wisdom from others.
  2. Don’t allow my mouth to write a check my behind can’t cash.  (Another good ole saying)!!  In other words, it’s easy to make a decision, but am I able to survive or live with the consequences of my decision.
  3. My support tribe (safety nets) don’t abandon me, but I can wear out my safety nets by abusing them.
  4. My Life is mine, so I choose to own it and not blame it away.
Posted in Evaluate, Goals, Humanity, renew, self reflection, Transparency

Living inside my mind

Posted on by https://getting2therootofit.com

Painting: A Bug Free Mind

Expressed by:  Cassandra Dennis

Living inside my mind can be exhilarating and dangerous.

Living inside my mind intertwines you within my brilliant thoughts and stories or can envelope you in my perversion (altering something from its original course or meaning) and fears of the “what ifs” of life.

Living inside my mind exposes me; my strengths unrecognized, my weaknesses exploited, the untapped gifts I refuse to share because of fear.

Living inside my mind keeps the true me secluded, isolated, untransformed without a renewed mind.

Living inside my mind takes you on a ride that no roller coaster in this world could compare.

Living inside my mind – STOP! STOP living inside my mind!  I want it.  I want more than the pseudo life, the unclaimed life I have lived inside my mind.  The life of possibilities unrealized because there was no effort applied to make them a reality.

I peaked outside of my mind one day and saw a glimpse of my heart.  A vital organ created to supply my body with oxygen and nutrients was showing signs of failure because I filled my vessel with the toxins of deferred hope and untruths by existing in a state of laziness and fear in my mind.

My desire to actively participate in my journey began to grow again as I began to speak my truth, know my worth, expand my knowledge, gain understanding and live my experiences out loud instead of cowering behind them in silence.  I take steps daily toward living instead of existing.

Life, my life is to be lived in motion, not on canvas; and I’ve realized my smiles, tears and fears are to create a living story of my failures and successes, weaknesses and strengths, the empowerment to overcome fear even while struggling with it.  Renewing my mind and taking an intentional step daily allows me to live freely, to love and like me; and that my friend is liberating.

Posted in self reflection, Transparency

Truth and Transparency…

Posted on by https://getting2therootofit.com

Expressed by: Cassandra Dennis

Sunday, August 23, 2020 – update:  This blog article from December 2016 is what started the thought process for my first book, When the Mask Cracks.  I didn’t know it at the time, but re-reading this article today makes me smile and let’s me know all of my life’s experiences have molded, matured and taught me several lessons which I am now able to share with others.  

Are you intrigued?  Please read on, enjoy the article, then click over to Amazon, follow my Author’s page for future projects, purchase my first book, When the Mask Cracks and share your review.  Thank you.

Freedom…. free mindset, free thinking, freedom in the way I speak, free in how I raised my sons.  I even got fired a couple of times from a job, but I went back to work the next day like nothing happened.  Man, I was a single parent with two boys to feed and clothe, I wasn’t trying to hear, “Cassandra, we’re going to have to let you go.”  “Yeah, ok, see you tomorrow.”  I came and clocked in the next day and went on with my shift.  WOW, as I think back to the way I was in my early twenties and thirties, I have a longing for that younger me.  I was bold in my thinking, I lived in motion, there was no such thing as procrastination; if I thought it, I moved forward in accomplishing whatever “it” was.  Lack of sleep, lack of knowledge and lack of money did not hinder me in whatever I wanted to do. I didn’t dwell upon anyone’s opinion, nor did I seek it.  Why, because another persons opinion was irrelevant to the process of me accomplishing what was at hand.  Sooooo….. what happened?

Somewhere along the way my focus changed, I lost my way and I began seeking the opinion of others, and their opinions became the gospel for me.  Why?  At first I didn’t know.  However, as I began to reflect on my life during a period of several years I realized once my sons became young men and I had equipped them to seek God and care for themselves my focus and my drive was gone.  Everything I was previously doing I was doing for them.  So now the question I asked myself was, “Cassandra, who are you, what do you truly like, do you remember your dreams and do you have the unction to accomplish them for yourself?”  The answer was, “no!”

Even though I had not been married long, being married became a chore, so I made it into a project for me.  I began to mimic my parents marriage, tv show marriages and layered in the information from marriage ministry, where we served.  BIG BIG BIG mistake.  I taught myself to wear masks.  I sought the opinions of others and took their opinion of me and dissected myself down to a person I didn’t know and didn’t like.  So I created a walk-in closet of masks; and depending upon the occasion I wore the mask that allowed me to blend in and to become apart of the crowd. What a mess.

Well needless to say, my husband and I began having challenges in our marriage, infidelity, control issues, and so much more.  I spiraled into depression and fear became a big part of my life.  From that time up until this point, approximately 7 years, I’ve allowed fear to paralyze me from living in my purpose, including even seeking my purpose for living.  For the past three years I have slowly begun a sincere relationship with God and an honest relationship with myself.  I’ve gone through a purging of relationships, masks and emotional bondage, PAINFULLLL!!  But it is what it is, it’s life and life is a journey of good and bad experiences.  It’s how I decide to live out and share those experiences that allows me to empower others as I am empowered.

Is fear still there?  Of course, but I have made the decision to live a life of kinetic energy, in motion regardless what’s over the horizon.  This renewed me has new inspiration, bold dreams and the excitement to accomplish it all, with my husband and our family.  Keep your eyes open, some of what’s to be revealed may inspire you to inspire others.  PEACE…