Posted in Inspiration, self reflection, Transparency

Been Down, But Not Out

Expressed by: Cassandra Dennis

WOW!! Okay, where do I start? Well, I’ll begin with the rudder, the catalyst, the straw on the camels back that began to stir and steer me in a new direction in my life.

I attended an “Own Your Shit” workshop a week ago. The intention of my attendance was to support the Facilitator, @MariannaSousa. I ended up in a safe environment that began the path of healing me of events from my past. Although the events occurred in the past I now understand the reason for my alter persona, Miss Nice Nasty. I separated myself from this persona a few years ago, but she still lives within me causing an internal conflict between who I truly desire to be and who I and others want me to be for the sake of my ego and their entertainment. In this workshop @MariannaSousa led me through the connections between that little girl, who experienced trauma in her life to my current mindset and actions. You know I hear healing direction such as this and say, “I know this” or “that has no bearings on who I am now.” Bullshit!! Unless I have truly healed from those events, not swept them under the dirty, shag carpet or buried it in the deep dark corners of my mind, but truly healed from events of my life they are playing an active part in my current mindset and actions.

The key is not to dwell there or to continue to carry the burden of someone else’s words or actions, it is to OWN my healing from those events by following that sometimes invisible thread from then to now and understanding why I am making the decision not to wear my “Big Girl Panties” and choosing to live out the actions of that hurt and misunderstood little girl. In this workshop I wrote out two questions and one exclamation to ask myself and others before automatically defaulting to Miss Nice Nasty.

  1. Is it true? Is the information being presented true, not my and any one else’s opinion, but is it factual? Then decide if I even what to act upon that fact.
  2. Does it align with my goals or passion? If I don’t set my own standards and goals, someone else will and I will live my life for others and not for God and me.
  3. I am worthy of more! Stop settling for less because I am growing weary in my pursuit of my goals and passion. Strengthen my endurance level physically and emotionally and cease the “I quit” mentality.

All of this seems simple and it can be if I had not decided to live a compromised life. It is the rudders (the small things) of life that can steer you to triumph or destruction. I realized as I grew older and my children no longer needed me, I began to exist (living out who others want me to be) instead of reaching back and updated past goals and renewing my passion. To be honest, I still don’t know what my passion is, but I do know I enjoy sharing my life experiences with others. Which leads me to why I am sharing this with you. I want you to know, no matter the stage of our life we can always hit the RESET button and renew, refocus and heal; that power is always within us and is completely up to us. After all my life is my own, there is no one else on this earth that can live out the true, transparent, AUTHENTIC me.

Therefore, I encourage you to be empowered, be authentic and be TRIUMPHANTLY you.

Author:

I am a woman with multiple hats, living to write a story about my own journey, a journey full of lessons, wisdom, success and failure. What I want out of this? A life of purpose, a legacy of truths and a transparency that others can clearly see that no matter the decisions we make in life, the next second, minute, hour or day is another opportunity to redirect our paths. It's MY life, I choose to Own it and not Blame it away.

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